At about 9:30 p.m., a siren went off for a moment, quickly interrupted and replaced by the megaphoned voice of a police officer saying that the fire marshal had closed off the convention for the night. All hopes seemed to be dashed—and then a heavily accented voice rose over the hum of the crowd, and a rubber dog puppet rose over its heads.

“That’s America!” shouted Robert Smigel, the man with his hand up the rear end of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

The character of Triumph, the profane Don Rickles of the kennel set, has long been performed by “Saturday Night Live” scribe Smigel on the late-night show of Conan O’Brien ’85. Last night, Smigel was accompanied by a man bearing a large, expensive-looking video camera as he addressed the crowd.

Alleging that only Alan Colmes, the nominally liberal half of Fox News Channel duo Hannity and Colmes, had been allowed into the center, Triumph let loose.

“Get in there and get your butt kicked by Hannity,” the Smigel-voiced puppet barked. “Thank God they just let the doormat through the door!”

The impromptu performance, it would soon be revealed, was not for Conan—it was for a potential Triumph movie, following up on the mangy mouth’s 2003 album, Come Poop With Me.

Within moments, Smigel had whipped out a pre-printed transcript of the keynote remarks Kerry would deliver in less than an hour inside the convention. He then began to read them in Triumph’s embittered voice, holding the puppet high all the while and interspersing Kerry high notes with a few Borscht Belt punchlines of his own.

“I want to address these words directly to President George W. Bush,” Triumph read from Kerry’s speech. But where the candidate went on to call for optimism in the campaign ahead, Triumph howled, “Are you out there, bitch?”

At another point, reciting Kerry’s reference to “the next great chapter” in American history, Triumph broke out his trademark line.

“A great chapter,” he repeated. “...For me to poop on!”

At times the dog appeared to mock Kerry’s speech, shouting “Boooooring!” before quickly adding that he was only trying to portray what he thought the audience’s reaction would be. But Triumph, who has based much of his act on picking fights with flesh-and-blood celebrities, said he stood by the candidate.

“Stop—these are John Kerry’s words,” the mutt said solemnly when those around him began to chant the name “Triumph.” “This is no Al Sharpton showboating.”

Triumph also made frequent reference to what he perceived as his onlookers’ inadequate show of appreciation for his jokes.

“I hope you appreciate this,” he said at one point, turning to the police who watched with bemusement. “I’m trying to disperse the crowd.”

After concluding Triumph’s version of Kerry’s speech—much of which he skipped—Smigel revealed another puppet, this one of a sternly frowning owl.