Don’t you sometimes wonder what people in the world of sports are thinking? Strike that—don’t you sometimes wonder if they’re thinking at all?

You’d assume that after countless interviews and media coaching, sports personalities—players and observers alike—would censor their comments to something that approaches social acceptability.

But former Notre Dame standout and current broadcaster Paul Hornung reminded us again last week that a standard question for a person in sports can lead to a humorous, arrogant, graphic or even racist response.

Motivated by Hornung’s recent assessment of the Irish’s recruiting tactics, I have compiled five of the most outrageous comments from the world of sports in recent years. Enjoy.

No. 5 HEY, IT’S ALL RELATIVE

That was former head player representative and Knicks center Patrick Ewing’s argument during the National Basketball Association lockout.

When questioned by a reporter as to why the players union adamantly refused to consider a salary cap, Ewing said that a cap wouldn’t be financially feasible for the cash-strapped players.

“We might make a lot of money,” Ewing said. “But we also spend a lot of money.”

Ewing—who did not major in Economics during his time at Georgetown—was eventually kept in the dark regarding 11th hour negotiations that saved the 1999 basketball season, as union chief Billy Hunter parleyed the final settlement. Not surprisingly, a soft salary cap was part of the deal.

No. 4 FEED ME...KOBE?

It was tough to pick only one quote from Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq seems to have an endless supply of humorous and arrogant witticisms that make you scratch your head.

However, Shaq outdid even himself during the 2002 season when he voiced his displeasure with the Lakers triangle offense. O’Neal—aka “the big dog”—expressed his dissatisfaction with a metaphor that would make most poets proud.

“If the big dog don’t get fed, the house won’t get guarded,” Shaq threatened.

Judging by his fluctuating weight over the past few years, it appears O’Neal’s wish has been granted and the big dog is getting all the food he can handle.

No. 3 THE TYSON DIET