Associate Editorial Chair

No longer duping the poor, innocent consumers into believing that fast food is healthy, McDonald’s new “Adult Happy Meal”—complete with salad and pedometer—will be a hit as Americans choose well-being over taste.

Simon W. Vozick-Levinson '06

Associate Editorial Chair

After an embarassing improvisatory response to an unexpected press conference question this week, President Bush will turn lemons into...bigger lemons by joining the cast of television’s “Whose Line Is It, Anyway?” and, impossibly, making it even less funny.

Sophie L. Gonick '05

Guest Predictor: Editorial editor

In light of Mariah Carey’s absence, University President Lawrence H. Summers will join Busta Rhymes onstage for the hit song “I Know What You Want” in an attempt to show that he does appreciate black culture after all.