Stephen W. Stromberg '05

Editorial Chair

Now that the nation’s politicians have hopped onto the banning-obscenity bandwagon (will anyone think of the children!), Congress will outlaw redneck jokes from television and radio because they “mess with ma kin.”

Benjamin J. Toff '05

Editorial Chair

The EPA, investigating a potential link between lung cancer and the chemicals released in the air when making a bag of popcorn, will announce that it’s probably not such a good idea to eat the imitation butter flavoring either.

Morgan R. Grice '06

Associate Editorial Chair

In response to Al Franken’s upcoming liberal radio program, “The O’Franken Factor,” Bill O’Reilly will think it wise to sue the savvy satirist once again—it worked so well last time with his suit over his image used alongside the phrase “Lying Liars.”

Travis R. Kavulla '06

Associate Editorial Chair

Pro-Aristide, HIPJ types might realize that all that appears democratic is not gold. A quick glance at a Haitian history book will reveal that Papa Doc Duvalier was just as fairly elected as Aristide—a populist platform, even!

Margaret M. Rossman '06

Associate Editorial Chair

Now that “The Practice” is finally being put out of its misery, David E. Kelley will create yet another highly popular, award-winning show and then torture it to death by making it completely absurd and melodramatic.

Simon W. Vozick-Levinson '06

Associate Editorial Chair

Ambitious Google-terrorists based in New Haven will contrive to prevent their college’s name from being the first result when I type “flaccid” into my mental search engine and hit “I’m feeling lucky.” Not happening, buddy.

Joshua D. Gottlieb '07

News Editor

Next time the campus cell phone service collapses, students will revert to the tried and true method of communication from Harvard’s past—the cup-and-string telephone between dorms.