Advantage: Sports.
4. George W. Bush himself once served as part-owner and managing general partner of the Texas Rangers. Although under his tenure Sammy Sosa was traded to the Chicago Cubs and proceeded to become one of the best players of the 20th century, Bush was elected to the presidency again.
John Kerry, on the other hand, alleges to be a Red Sox fan, and once claimed that he was “30 yards away” from Bill Buckner during the infamous 1986 collapse at Shea Stadium in the World Series…and at a Boston banquet on the same night. Really, John? Actually, I guess that’s really somewhat believable. I’ve taken the Fung-Wah bus before.
Wait, what? The Fung-Wah bus wasn’t even invented in 1986?
Sorry, Democratic Party.
Advantage: Sports.
5. Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, the aforementioned spiritual leader of the dubiously influential “Vote or Die” campaign, was featured numerous times on the very same national news our boy Jim Bunning claims not to watch. Diddy has been rumored to want to buy at least a part of the New York Knicks organization, and is apparently a pretty huge sports fan. As of late, he has even been absurdly questioned about his own future political aspirations.
Well, absurd if Kentucky didn’t exist.
Sorry, Tupac Shakur.
Advantage: Sports.
Okay, so there you have it—five distinct, clear reasons why the sporting world should get better in the very, very near future, and you all have American politics, rap music and my omniscience to thank. I haven’t even touched upon the parallels between Bush and Kerry and the correlating prognostications for the annual November throw-down that is Harvard-Yale.
Of course, you might argue this was all a big waste. I didn’t even need to do this to show why November will be good for sports. I could have simply pointed to late-season college football, the return of the NBA, Major League Baseball off-season dealings, the meat of the NFL season or even the nationally ranked Harvard football team’s perfect record—the only one remaining in all of Division I-AA. And, you may also reasonably claim, Jim Bunning is in reality a very nice, upstanding, intelligent individual. And that I, on the other hand, am a hack.
Sorry, You.
—Staff writer Pablo S. Torre can be reached at torre@fas.harvard.edu. His column appears on alternate Fridays.