5) The “pylon goalie” rule. Instead of having Jessica Ruddock, Emily Smith or Ali Boe in nets, simply place a pylon in the crease. This will at least force the Crimson to play perfect defense in order to record a shutout.

6) The puck-touch rule. For every time the Terriers touch the puck, they are awarded one goal. Thus, the Crimson must score more goals than times BU touches the puck.

7) The Mathematicians rule. Every shot the Crimson takes must travel on a perfect 45-degree angle. The Crimson is also only allowed to score goals when the amount of seconds left on the scoreboard is a prime number or a perfect square.

8) The poetry rule. Each Crimson goal scorer must recite a line of poetry related to her own name before she scores. Some examples:

a. Nicole Corriero: I am Nicole, now I will score a goal!

b. Mina Pell: A goal for Pell, all is swell.

c. Kat Sweet: That Kat Sweet, she can’t be beat!

d. Julie Chu: A score from Chu and the opponents are blue.

e. Angela Ruggiero: My name is Angela Ruggiero and I have two Olympic medals.

9) The “Harrison Bergeron” rule. All the Harvard players must wear lead weights on their skates to slow themselves down and put rubber on their sticks to give themselves less control. A remote controlled device must create a loud beeping noise in their heads whenever they see a teammate open for a pass to distract them and impair their vision.

10) Instead of dressing the women’s hockey team, suit up the members of the Crimson sports board. Our top players would be among those that cover hockey. Junior Timothy Jackson (of Toronto, Canada!) will play goal. I, sophomore Dave Weinfeld of Montreal, will play center every shift. Of course, with this scenario, the “Crimson” would probably lose just as badly as BU did to the real Harvard women’s hockey team, but for the sake of parity, it makes the most sense.

—Staff writer David A. Weinfeld can be reached at weinfeld@fas.harvard.edu.