Ten thousand men of Harvard want victory today/ Nananananananana na Harvard nana nay!/ Nanana na na na na nanana/ Na na na na naaa, na na na na/ Ten thousand men of Harvard gained victory today!

3. “Safety school” always works. But more basic cheers along the lines of “You have two points” and “Your team blows” also work. The basics are good—use these and think on the fly. Any first-time fans who join the cheerleaders’ “First and ten/ Do it again/ Score, Harvard, score!” and “Hold that line” should be escorted from the facility.

4. If Penn loses to Cornell Saturday, not only will you have to dodge the bacon falling from the sky and dress warmly to adjust for the temperature change hundreds of feet beneath us, but a win over Yale will give the Crimson a share of the title. Should this go down, there may be occasion to hit the goalposts.

Whatever you do, don’t slug the cops—HUPD’s finest aren’t jerks like the mace- and club-happy Yale cops were last year. I would suggest carrying goggles, though. Mace, even when accidentally sprayed, is never fun.

And I would hope that people would look around for leadership and coordination once the operation was underway, preferably from physics concentrators who know how to do this sort of thing.

Of course, we could also just not drink at all, scream “Rah! That was a terrific thumping” at every Dante Balestracci hit and shake the Yalies’ hands in a civilized fashion after the game. Wouldn’t that be delightful?

—Staff writer Martin S. Bell can be reached at msbell@fas.harvard.edu.