This way, when you are assaulted in the Yard a month from now, you can just say, “I totally remember you, you’re from New Jersey, right?” Then you can resume your hollow Freshman Week discussion of outstanding Garden State malls and diners, and your new friend will have no idea that you have no recollection of your first meeting.

If you are from a big square state like Wyoming or Utah, this strategy may work against you. First of all, there are not many of you here to meet. And when you meet someone from another state, they will be more likely to remember you—since you may well be the only person they have ever met from Montana.

For you, and for all those with truly terrible memories, I would recommend getting really, really drunk, and staying drunk throughout the duration of Freshman Week. Not only will you have a great time, but when someone you met at the screening of “Love Story” addresses you by name a couple of weeks later, you can just say, “Man, I’m sorry—I know I met you but I don’t remember your name; I was totally wasted all Freshman Week!” You will have both saved face and shared a good laugh with your new friend, X.

David C. Newman ’03, a Crimson editor, is a govenment concentrator in Quincy House.