#6. If a family has two brothers, they have been separated at birth, one growing up to be a “hero” and the other, an “anti-hero.” By the end of the movie, the anti-hero either reforms or dies saving his brother—but not before they perform a dance together (accompanied by their blind mother).

#5. Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.

#8. Any and all fight scenes take place in the vicinity of a stack of pots, pans, bottles, barrels, window panes or all of the above.

Hindi movies are most notable, however, for their songs and dancing, so much so that an actor is often valued not for his looks or even—heaven forbid—his acting skills, but rather his dance moves. (Rule #11: If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.) The songs are lip-synched, but that doesn’t stop everybody from singing them (including my uncle, who does a particularly bad job). I once asked if any Hindi movies did not have songs and dancing. The room fell silent. I got several “What planet are you from?” looks.

Throw in the fact that most of the blockbuster Hindi movies are financed by the Bombay underworld, and you had, from my point of view, a bizarre and uniquely Indian silliness.

On our previous visits to India, my brother and I had savaged anything that remotely resembled a Hindi movie. And there was no question that during my first month here, anytime I was laughing during a Hindi movie it was at the movie, not with it. (This made me something of a pariah in the guest house television room.)

This changed one evening last week, when I was flipping channels and came across a music video of three men doing a dance which somewhat resembled the Bangles in “Walk Like an Egyptian.” I was laughing really hard, until I realized that the actors in this video were actually making fun of themselves. The video included all sorts of events that would take place in a run-of-the-mill Hindi film romance song—and then proceeded to wreck them. The three actors were excellent, and the video was good fun on its own merits. I knew I was in trouble when I woke up the next morning with “Denewala” stuck in my head. And the rest is history.