WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR A G-R-R-R-R-L

Since more than one person has told me that In the (K)now is best read on the toilet, I'm assuming that you're all alone while you read this in the confines of your terribly-lit dorm bathroom. Now, close your eyes and think back, think way way back to 1995 when angry girl rock filled the airwaves, CD shelves and music video rotations with feminist venom, unapologetic male-bashing and histrionic yelps. Indeed, it was not so long ago that Alanis Morissette and her badly-dressed disciples ruled the land, deflating bubblegum pop and appropriating "bitch" as a lovable epithet. (Speaking of Alanis, I was floored when I found out that in "You Oughta Know," she isn't carping about a "cross-eyed bear that you gave to me," but rather lamenting the "cross I bear." I really think my version is much cooler, especially considering there are too few songs that discuss the importance of stuffed animals in our daily lives-i.e. whenever I get sad, I go play with the plush koalas in the Discovery Channel Store.) Anyway, to make a long story short, Alanis helped expurgate long-standing rage-and with this mass catharsis came mass complacency. The Spice Girls were born, TRL helped launch Britney, Christina and the other blonde nincompoops, and angry chic just seemed, well, old. But perhaps the world just got a bit too mysogynistic for its own good-in the past few weeks, we are seeing hints that the unconscious rage might be surfacing...

"Music" was all about her ghetto booty, "Don't Tell Me" suggested a penchant for square-dancing cowboys, but now Madonna's third single off her new album-entitled "What It Feels Like for a Girl"-shows us that deep down the Material Girl still has some hardcore rage to work out. The wonderfully subversive video was banned by MTV which now refuses to air it because it's "irresponsible." The decision is befuddling for a number of reasons. First, MTV airs "irresponsible" shows all the time. "Undressed" makes me cringe with its inane, orgiastic storylines which are no better than something you would see on late-night Showtime. And even though I adore "Jackass," it certainly is not "responsible"-the opening disclaimer is written parodically and the stunts can easily be imitated (set yourself on fire, straddle a skunk, dive into a pile of elephant poop, chase naked midgets around South Central, etc.). Second, the Madonna video-directed by her husband Guy Ritchie-is not only relatively tame, but also profoundly significant. Beautifully photographed and set to an edgy dance-remix of the song, it depicts a battered wife who tears around town bashing into people's cars, robbing men at ATMs and shooting policemen with water guns, before deliberately crashing into a pole to kill herself. Not only is MTV running scared, but they are coming across as incredibly unjust. After all, it is a strange double standard when Eminem can rap about decapitating his wife or stabbing someone in the head if they are a "fag or a lez," no? MTV's cowardly ban on the video proves Madonna's point: The batterer gets to vent, but a girl who fights back will not only be categorically silenced, but also completely ignored.

Heartbreakers, starring Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt, puts another variation on the revenge chick theme. Siggy plays a vampy mom who seduces wealthy bachelors into marriage; Love plays the slutty daughter who seduces the newly married husband, facilitating her mom's collection of a divorce settlement. The mother-daughter con team might seem like a wickedly creative path to vengeance, but the film's premise is undercut both by the omnipresence of Love's breasts which flounce around in every scene as implied compensation for her poor thespian skills (and the fact that she just started dating Alec Baldwin makes us question her doe-eyed ingénue act) and the fact that the movie never shocks us with sinister nastiness. Girls marrying rich husbands and draining their bank accounts-Anna Nicole Smith gave us a far more entertaining version of the story without making us pay $10.

And leave it to Barbra Streisand to get in on the vengeful-minx glee. In a letter to Democratic representatives, Streisand lambasted George W. Bush for being a "destructive man." Urging the Dems to declare war on Republicans, Streisand lashed out, "We have a president who was selected rather than elected. He stole the presidency through family ties, arrogance and intimidation, employing Republican operatives to exercise the tactics of voter fraud by disenfranchising thousands of blacks, elderly Jews and other minorities." Oooh, how cool would it be to see Hillary vs. Barbra for the Democratic nom in 2004? Talk about catfights...

IN THE (K)NOW SUPERSTARS!