Unlike St. Augustine, however, I do not feel alone and doomed to damnation. Millions in America suffer this same affliction. Look at the ratings for the new XFL, for example. It beat the NHL All-Star Game, which we all know is hardly a competition.

People will flock to the screen if they know they're gonna see great competition. While I still stand behind the old staples like the Super Bowl and March Madness, and almost never get off the couch during the Olympics, I admit I eagerly anticipate Temptation Island and Survivor because those shows provide better competition most days than your average NBA game.

I could probably go on and on about how the media exploits me and those like me addicted to competition, but Survivor is on soon and I'm worried that fellow Harvard man Nick Brown could be in danger. Instead, let me leave one last example that should convince those of you out there who think I'm full of baloney.

You know A&E? The channel dubbed "Arts & Entertainment" that shows biographies and makes original movies based on The Great Gatsby? About as high culture as you can get on basic cable? Well, they have a new show hosted by, of all people, Terry Bradshaw. It's called The Competition. Check out this Friday's episode, which includes a Best Mule-Pulled Wagon race.

I bet even St. Augustine would watch that.