The rise of "comeback kids" is also damaging in that actual retirements mean less now. Dominik Hasek hung up his skates for what seemed like a week, and I won't care when he does it again.

I lost track of how many times Magic Johnson retired. He might actually still be playing for some team in Europe. But his multiple exits dulled the feeling of loss that usually accompanies a star's departure. When he first left, I was on the verge of tears. Once the third time rolled around, I barely noticed.

Everyone's getting in on the act. Detlef Schrempf is set to rejoin the Portland Trail Blazers after half a year off. There are rumors of a second round of Fernandomania--Valenzuela is only forty, after all. Barry Sanders' return has been so heavily discussed, it might has well have happened. At this rate, let the Tom Seaver watch begin.

In sports today, everyone is Ross Perot. They're in, they're out, they're in again, they're out again--and they expect just as much love the second and third trips around the park.

Well, I've about had it. I've decided to retire from The Crimson myself. I know you're shocked, but I have very good reasons. I've spent some time going over my recent columns, and I've determined that my woefully inaccurate prediction of an awesome Super Bowl last month may signal a decline in the quality of my work. I'd like to quit while I'm still at the top of my game.

Also, I'm worried about where sports coverage at Harvard is going. Last week, an Indy writer referred to a Trinity squash player as having been "beaten like a red-headed stepchild." If this is what passes for sports journalism nowadays, count me out. Oh yes, and I'd like to spend more time with my family.

With that, I bid you all adieu. I'd like to thank you all for your support these past two years. I'd like to thank the players and teams I've been privileged to cover, my colleagues, roommates, family and fans. Even as I step into the world of early retirement, I want you to know that today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this paper.

See you again in a couple of weeks.