It has yet to be explained why lame, largely tuneless indie-rock that lacks anything resembling a halfway decent voice, riff or attitude should be allowed to exist beyond a debut album. The mystery is thickened when an elite set of rock critics lionize the banal incomprehensibility as if it held the secret of life, the universe and everything that only the enlightened, fortunate few can understand. Elf Power will gratify those who believe that only mindless plebs think that music is made for listening and enjoyment.

Despite cool cover art and a lightweight-but-cute name, Elf Power are quite painfully bad. “Embrace the Crimson Tide” is a pretty dodgy song title to start the album with. It might work if it were tongue-in-cheek, or alternatively the work of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but these boys-and-a-girl have neither the humor nor the sex appeal to carry it off. And then it only gets worse. “The Great Society” sounds like Pink Floyd if you stole their sense of irony, humor, musicianship and possibly hearing as well: “Space has eaten up your face / You won’t need it anyway.” At their best, on “Wings of Light,” they sound like your little brother’s band trying to be Thom Yorke. “100,000 Telescopes” is such a long, irredeemable drone that it feels akin to being hit with said telescopes: “And the flowers grow from nowhere / And the monsters stay in line,” is more or less representative of their lyrical power. It might be improved a little if their guitar techs kept the guitars in tune. But you should definitely not miss the indescribable last half of (the 10-minute long) “Albatross”: Five minutes of muffled guitar groan, occasional slurps and some guy who’s auditioning for a bit part in a Monty Python movie will leave you either in stitches or trying to remember why you threw your speakers out the window.

Elf Power

The Winter Is Coming

Sugar Free Records