Besides, contrary to what Green thinks, celebrations do have their place in the game. End zone rituals distinctive to a specific team, like Atlanta's "Dirty Bird" dance of two seasons ago, help to build team character and camaraderie. They represent an admittedly peculiar--but still compelling--form of male bonding. I'm sure an anthro major could back me up here.

Recent history has shown the positive effects of the team celebration. Pre-"Bob and Weave," the Rams endured a decade of mediocrity--and worse. Post-"Bob"? The Superbowl.

What's more, celebrations help a team maintain a generally loose demeanor, and teams don't play well when they are stressed out. How many times have you heard a coach or player tell the media, "We've gotta play loose tonight?" It's a clich, but a valid one. And what better way to stay loose than to clown around a bit after a touchdown?

It seems stranger for sports to attempt to legislate sportsmanship when some already-accepted rituals are anything but sportsmanlike. Baseball's retaliatory beanball will prompt a warning and, if done repeatedly, an ejection, but it is still an established--nay, often expected--part of the game. And hockey...let's not even talk about hockey.

But the most important reason why sports governing bodies shouldn't try to make all of its players gentlemen is so we can appreciate the real class acts when we see them. Barry Sanders made it to the end zone over a hundred times in his career, and actually acted as if he had actually done it before each time.

If we didn't allow Deion to groove after each interception, how could we truly appreciate the calm, silent class of true role models like the other Sanders?

Classiness can't be coerced. If we don't like a player's celebratory gyrations, we should resort to the fan's traditional outlets. We should refrain from buying his jersey. We should whine. We should boo. Who knows? Maybe the players will listen.

But if Deion shows up at your summer job and starts critiquing your work, don't blame me.