The plodding screenplay often moves at a maddeningly slow pace, one that even Leo's formidable aesthetic talents can't make bearable. Richard is also not a likable protagonist. His self-centered, immature behavior makes it difficult to sympathize with him, no matter what disaster strikes. Yet the character of Richard is the antithesis of that of Jack Dawson, DiCaprio's role in Titanic, which is testimony to DiCaprio's versatility as an actor, debunking his reputation as just another pretty face. Rumors have circulated that DiCaprio impregnated his leading lady during filming. Despite these rumors, the chemistry between Francoise and Richard is perhaps the only well-developed aspect of the film.

The Beach relies heavily on its biggest marketing asset: DiCaprio. Twenty million of the $50 million budget was devoted to Leo's salary, and Director Danny Boyle gets his money's worth. Leo prances around the island baring his newly buffed chest and abs in true Abercrombie fashion, which will no doubt delight teenyboppers everywhere. After stewing for three years in anticipation, audiences are no doubt primed and ready to see the King of the World in his latest royal performance. While it is true that those who go simply to see Leo will depart satisfied, The Beach will leave the rest of us wishing we could add to the film what it so desperately needs: a large, unsinkable ship. Grade: C+