Now that a definite epidemic has been established, I have a theory about its point of origin: We know that smart Harvard women knit. Why? Well, first, just like men instinctively like to shoot cute furry animals, women instinctively like to create fabrics out of balls of yarn.

It's the ability to create something useful out of nothing, a kind of ingenuity. And as for Harvard undergraduate women in particular, most are incapable of inactivity; lounging around becomes boring if they're not doing something with their hands, so knitting becomes the key to relaxation. As my wide scope of research shows, Harvard women never only knit--they knit and watch movies, or knit and gossip or knit and do anything. It's a preoccupation, something productive to be done anywhere, to kill time in the dorms, to relax before vigorous athletic competitions, to relax after vigorous athletic competitions and to keep the mind busy while on the phone.

And, as an added incentive, there even exist entire books (Harvard women allegedly like books) on how to knit sweaters and socks, dog coats and gloves! It's a double bonus for any 'Cliffie, fulfilling both the inner homemaker and inner bookworm's desires simultaneously, while satisfying that Harvard urge to fill all existing pockets of free time with some formof productive and useful activity.

Yes indeed, this is a widespread Harvard phenomenon, afflicting women as young as 18, with the age of affliction recently having plummeted down from age 52. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves because the outbreak is here to stay.

Note: If you would like to join the epidemic, try www.skepsis.com/~tfarrell/textiles/knit/main.html for helpful step-by-step instructions with pictures.

--Arianne R. Cohen