Scandal! Check out this link! Scandal!

HTTP://WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/DEATH_TO_CHRISTINA/PISS.HTM

WHAT A TROLL WANTS

In between thesis research, Ec 10 problem sets, and job hunting, I, Somy Holmes, have been doing some detective work on the side. It all started when a blockmate randomly asked at dinner, "What ever happened to Trolls?" Since then, I've been curious as to what exactly happened to the Troll toys - you know, those goofy-looking little creatures with scrunched up noses, fiery flourescent hair and jewels in their bellies. Trolls used to have a corner on every kid's shelf; there were troll couples, troll cities, football trolls, ballerina trolls, Christmas trolls, trolls on wheels, etc. And though Trolls haven't been a trend-o-rama since the 70s, they suddenly disappeared entirely from children's toy chests about four years ago. (Eerie music starts playing in the background, the lights dim.) Something happened to the Trolls. I was determined to find out the answer.

I went to Ec 10 section the next morning and - wait, before I go on, let me explain lest you think I'm lame. Yes, yes, I'm a senior taking Ec 10 and it's quite a travesty, but I'm an English major, remember? Nobody will hire me until I prove that I can add. (Unless Hollywood calls me to be a star, but I have a strange feeling that Gwyneth Paltrow blacklisted me.) In any case, I sit in Ec 10 surrounded by fresh-faced first-years and my TF leads us through the exciting world of supply and demand. Curves, graphs, up, down, price, quantity - it all sounded like a bunch of theoretical mush, but I paid attention since God knows I didn't want to have to learn it all over again the night before the midterm.

Later that night, I sat in my room, surfing the net when I stumbled upon a picture that made me yelp. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present exhibit A: a photo of Christina Aguilera. Now look carefully at this image of the sultry Christina on your left. Do you see it? Those googly eyes, that fiery flourescent hair, the jewels in her belly? Aha! I put two and two together and quickly drew a supply and demand curve:

The Mystery of the Disappearing Trolls is a mystery no more. Where did all the gnomes go? It's simple - supply of Christina Aguilera goes up, demand for trolls goes down. They're perfect substitutes, as Feldstein would say. How's that for a little detective work. Kiss my ass, Encyclopedia Brown.