With all of this said, how can the Crimson shield its Achilles' heel? In all honesty, Coach Murphy is probably doing the best he can by not depending on special teams as much and by allowing his young kickers to mature. For argument's sake, though, I offer three alternative solutions to the field goal fiasco.

My first proposal is inspired by the movie "Necessary Roughness" (please bear with me on this one). Remember how the Armadillos (the fictional team in the movie) couldn't find a placekicker? What did they do? They turned to a female soccer player, portrayed by uber-attractive model Kathy Ireland. Following suit, Harvard should also tap one of its soccer players for the football job.

This might seem far-fetched, but our soccer athletes are phenomenal kickers (since, you know, they can't use their hands) and would probably be more consistent than Blewitt or Wright. And I don't know about you, but I'd pay to see some of our very own uber-attractive soccer girls in gridiron action.

The second solution I would put forth would bring together the Harvard community in a spirit of friendly competition. Cashing in on the success of ABC's "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," we could have a campus-wide search for that special someone who will be our special-teams savior. We could call it "Who Wants To Be a Crimson Placekicker?" and even have a short, annoying man moderate the contests during halftime at home games. With the potential for corporate sponsors, we might be able to also fund spin-offs of our contest to other schools with bad kickers, like Florida State.

And finally, since this is Harvard, I would suggest that we place the kicking responsibilities on the auction block. Every game, we could have a guest appearance by a wealthy alumnus who could endow the special teams assignment for his appearance. I can picture it now: "On to try the field goal is the Winston F. Smith Field Goal Kicker and Professor of the Point After, Winston F. Smith!"

All of these whimsical suggestions aside, it cannot be stressed enough that Harvard has a serious problem on its hands. Without the confidence in the kicking game, the offense will be forced to always convert fourth down attempts. Also, with an inability to convert on field goal attempts, the Crimson will continue to lose close games.

And, if you're reading this Coach Murphy, you can always put me in if all else fails. I couldn't possibly do much worse than what you've been used to all season.