So I'm going to solve this problem by cutting the taxes cause they're too long anyway.

The first problem plaguing this Great Nation, my friendly Americans, is family.

There are too many mothers raising kids without the fathers. Those fathers are bad.

I will solve this problem by cutting the father's taxes.

This little light of mine. I'm going to let it shine.

The fourth problem plaguing this Great Nation, my friendly Americans, is the lack of respect for the Oval Office.

Bill Clinton has really messed up that office, let me tell you. Why is it an oval anyway? I bet that's part of the problem.

If you make me president, I'll make it a rhomboid office like offices should be.

The other problem, of course, is taxes. I will cut these taxes into itty bitty pieces, and there will be respect for the office again.

"I" before "E" except after "C."

The third problem plaguing this Great Nation, my friendly Americans, is our military.

It's too short after the Democrats cut it. I say cut taxes, not the military.

Feel free to applaud at any time.

I've been in the White House before while military decisions are made. George Bush even made me a special doggy door.

Man, those were the days. Colin Powell was the coolest. I used to shine his shoes during the briefings.