That's a jaded view of the commonly quoted phrase "most of the learning goes on outside of the classroom." But it's true in certain ways. Do you really want to know the criteria Harvard bases its acceptances on? In its unconsciously pretentious way, Harvard likes to say that it's betting on the future of its students. You may hear differently from your proctors, tutors and House Masters. But each member of the admissions committee will tell you that they care less about the grades you get here than about what you do with yourself after you graduate.

It is quite irritating to hear from non-Harvardians how the hardest thing about Harvard is getting in, especially because you always happen to hear it just after you pulled your second all-nighter and you still can't improve your solid C+ in Chem 20. For most, the difficulty in Harvard lies in getting either an A or a C, since both require rather extreme study habits. Come Commencement, practically no one will know anyone who failed out of Harvard.

That point made, most of you won't relate to the exclusively connections-based view of Harvard. "Uh, actually, my friends are my friends because I like them, and I'm learning things in my classes at Harvard that I never even dreamed were possible in high school," is the thought that I hope is drifting through your head right now. The majority of Harvard students don't make friends to beef up their future Filofaxes, although by the end of freshman week, you certainly will have met a few of your fellow classmates who clearly do.

Don't worry, the visceral disgust you feel at the artificiality of some of your classmates is a commonly shared emotion. Nothing is more repulsive than letting the concept of connections dominate your life here, and since people can sense when you're being artificial and when you're being sincerely friendly, that approach backfires more often than not.

However, keep in mind that a little mutual back-scratching won't hurt your future prospects whether you decide to go to law school, get involved in medicine, or dabble in I-banking, which sums up 75 percent of your classmates' future careers.

If you don't know someone who writes down the names of everyone they meet at Harvard on an index card and files it for future use, you will by the time you graduate. And you know what? That "someone" probably won't be a particularly bad person. Cordially friendly to everyone, always ready for a chat, that name-filer will enjoy your company and also happen to note you as a future contact. You don't need to be a cut-throat, uncaring person subsumed by ambition to take advantage of one of Harvard's best resources: the people you'll meet here.

Okay, I admit I wouldn't keep files of index cards with the names of all of my Harvard acquaintances. And I might think it was a little weird if one of my friends did. But I no longer consider it strange that an old high school friend and member of the class of 2003 approached me, and unable to contain her enthusiasm at her recent acceptance, whispered to me conspiratorially "I'm a member of the club now!"