The staff members pass out protective gear.

"This is really gross--is this sweat?" Sameera complains, looking down at the damp face guard.

"Come on, it's okay, we're tough," I remind her, gritting my teeth and sliding the apparatus over my head.

After explaining the safety rules and how to use the guns, Santino splits us up into two teams and sends us to opposite sides of the field, a large room filled with phallic wooden barricades.

ROUND ONE: I Discover That Bullets Hurt

From the first fort, I slide along the paint slime on the floor to the next barricade. A battery of shots ring through the air, attacking the fort behind which I crouch. I begin to wonder why I volunteered for this assignment. I'm a writer, not a fighter. So I take the coward's way out. I purposely let myself get hit.

Nice and clean in the side room, I wait for the game to end. Look how many nice, round and pretty bullets I still have, I think to myself happily. The two teams return, sweaty, dirty, and excited. We clean our weapons and chat merrily.

"They hit me through the little hole in the barricade!" Sameera cries. "I didn't kill anyone at all."

The blond boy with the high-tech gun comes back to the room, having killed off most of the players on our team.

"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" I ask him.

"No, I'm just good with guns," comes the reply. With an intense glint in his eye, he begins to list the different guns he practices with at home. He is such an adorable little boy, especially with the little gold earring. He'd make a fine assassin.

ROUND THREE: My Dark Side Kicks In

Cowering behind a wall, I hear the staff shout at us, "Move up, don't stay in the back." Suddenly I feel a surge of adrenaline. The thrill of the kill has set in. All right, Ev, I tell myself: be a strong female, dammit. You can do it!

Keeping low, I scuttle to another barricade. Bullets riddle the air. I make it! I spot movement behind a hole in the barricade ahead of me. Swiftly, surely, I take aim and blast the enemy with bullets. DIE YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF POND SCUM! The enemy creeps out from behind the barricade, raising his gun in defeat. Victory! I triumphantly peer over the top of my barricade--only to be greeted with a bullet slamming right into my visor.

Never let your guard down on the battle field.