Carter has spent much of her time at Harvardwriting fiction, taking five creative writingcourses in her four years. She says she writes toexpress on paper things she is she about saying."Specifically, being at Harvard, I like to writebecause there's almost no other context in whichto talk about my background, and that's somethingI think about a lot being in this environment,which is a huge contrast to my background."

ON THE PHONE, HER mom tells a story I'veheard many times from Tracey already. "We lived ina farm house in Illinois, and we went through onewinter there. This house had no electricity. Wehad to use lanterns that you'd use oil in and burnwood in a coal stove. That was the worst winter.It snowed real deep. We had frost on the walls,and the Christmas tree glistened it was so cold.So we took down the bathroom door and made it intofirewood."

Although Tracey realizes how lucky she was tohave two nurturing mothers, she says she was stillaware of how education could limit one's security."We were on welfare my whole childhood, on AFDC[Aid to Families with dependent Children]. My momdidn't have a job and my dad wasn't around. My momwas unemployed for a lot of it. She did mostlyfactory work, manual labor, as a janitor,delivering auto parts, the sort of job you getwhile you're waiting for a real job. Because ofher education, she only qualified for the lowestpaying job."

The jobs were sometimes dangerous. Until shewas eight months pregnant, Judy Carter wouldshimmy up trees to saw off the tops with achainsaw and sell them for firewood. Even as achild, Tracey was intensely aware of beingdifferent from the rest of the community.

"I used to be ashamed we were on welfare. I hadto stand in this special line in school to get thefree lunch ticket, and everyone knew what the linewas for, and it clearly marked out who you were,"Carter says. "I was embarrassed that we got foodstamps and I would be sent to the store with foodstamps and maybe a friend would be working at thestore and it was very humiliating to me."

Carter says she no longer feels the same way,although she adds, "It seems like it's thesmallest minority here to be from an economicallypoor background. It seems even rarer because a lotof people hide their backgrounds. [Being poor] isnot the thing to be here," Carter says she hadfelt more comfortable in the co-op, where everyonecooks and cleans together and which was founded asa cheaper alternative for students on financialaid.

Like most people, Carter defines her time atHarvard by the things she has chosen to do here.She looks back happily on her time at the Co-op,in the Afro-Am department, working at Schlesingerand participating in the tutoring program inDorchester. "The Co-op made it possible to stay atHarvard until the end," she says. It most closeslyresembled the warm nurturing environment in whichshe had grown up.

BUT CARTER IS NOT SOME-one who finds aneasy place to live and stays there. During thefall of her senior year, she took a semesterabroad in Africa, starting off in Sierra Leone andmoving, because of political unrest, to Kenya.Adjusting to a new culture, especially one inwhich she says many biracial women were assumed tobe prostitutes, was challenging for Carter. Butshe grew up a lot. "I became a lot less shy and alot more independent."

Coming out as a lesbian was one of Carter'sfirst steps to becoming more sure of herself. Sherealized she was gay the year before enteringHarvard when she fell for her friend at the UnitedWorld College and her friend returned theaffection. "Most of my community is here at theCoop, gay and in general," she says. Carter isalso a member of the Boston group "Girlfriends," apeer support group for lesbian and bisexual womenof color.

"It's more difficult to be gay in the Blackcommunity than Black in the gay community althoughit's difficult in both," Carter says. "I fear theBlack community might subtly reject me, whichwould be more painful. Girlfriends is a placewhere I can be gay and Black and female alltogether." Carter is out to her mother and AuntBecky, both of whom are supportive. Her fatherdoes not know, but, as Tracey points out, he isnot aware she is graduating either.

Although Carter started out shy and quiet, shesays she has learned to be more confident aboutspeaking out. "She told me she has to havesomething really important to say to speak inclass," a friend recalls. Asked about this, Cartersays, "Oh no, now my professors are going to thinkI thought that stuff I said was important."

Sasha R. Wizansky '95, who has lived in theco-op with Tracey almost as long as I have, saysit took her a long time to get to know Carter, butthat the gradual process has "made it richer.She's a deep, genuine person." Michael W.Echenberg '95, who got to know Carter last spring,says he admires her commitment to her friends."She talks about hanging out as an activity untoitself, about actively hanging out." A fellow Coopresident, Emily Fenster '94, says of Carter:"She's just so refreshing because she stands foreverything that's the opposite of Harvard. Sheputs people above everything else and always hasfree time to hang out."

Another friend puts it a little differently. "Ithink I would say that her values are more deeplyand consistently in opposition to mainstreamHarvard than most people I know. Nonetheless,there are a lot of reasons why she suceeds here.It's not like polar opposites: Tracey andHarvard," her housemate says. "My sense is thatshe doesn't buy into a lot of things that mostpeople do--the kind of insular view of the worldthough the Ivory Tower." Wizansky adds, "She talksabout being alienated a lot but she's been able tomanuever well and get stuff out if it."

While Dudley Co-op tutor Conevery Bolton saysmodesty is one of Carter's biggest attributes,friends think of her as a confident person.Wizansky calls Carter "kind of a rock. There's anessential Tracey that's so solid. You get thesense that the knows who she is and doesn't needto perform to please people. She seems veryself-assured."

As soon as she graduates, Carter plans to campacross country with her mother and Aunt Beckyuntil she reaches San Francisco, where she willstart a new life. Although Carter says Harvard washer biggest ambition (And that she has no ambitionbeyond here), Bolton says she expects to SeeCarter's novels on the shelves of HarvardBookstore one day.