Whoever produce d this maudlin and hideous ass emblage deserves t o be condemned. Please step for ward now and take the b lame.

FEARLESS LEADERS IN LOVE

We try hard to take the Undergraduate Council seriously here at Dartboard, really we do. But don't they have better things to do with their valuable time than running a computer-dating service?

At last week's council meeting, many members protested a motion that would have added a House office hour to their regular council office hour. Now we ask, why do the council members want to squander that precious hour on matchmaking?

The answer, we believe, is simple. Former council president David L. Hanselman '94-'95 has a wife, but look at all those other council heavyweights. Label, Gregoire, Fine, Liston, Coffey, Kaufman, Hyman--they're all men in need of romance and, we're sure Dave would agree, someone to come home to after a long meeting in Sever 113.

We can see the blazing headlines now: "Dating Surveys Found Scattered Around Council Office as Executives Try to Find Matches!" Sure, we know who'll really be doing the processing once all the surveys are in. But why stop there? With questions about children on the surveys, we fully expect that next year's council candidates will run campaigns on "family values."