Ted pointed at Jenny. "She's the person who's tanked on caffeine."

"And Lucky Charms!" Jenny added.

Ted and Nick began doing Wrath of Kahn impersonations as Jenny fielded a discussion of her bra size. Somebody said she was a "C." "I wish," she sighed. "It would be nice, but I'm not. I'm a `B.'"

By this point, I fully appreciated the wisdom behind their decision to withold their last names.

Despite the scintillating conversation, I knew I had to leave; it was 4:15, and I still had half the Yard to cover.

A quick walk-through of Holworthy and Thayer revealed nothing but one late-night bather taking a shower in a common bathroom.

Weld also was silent and empty. Then, as I was about to leave, the door of room 34 squeaked open, revealing Cedar R. Riener '98 sitting in a chair by the door.

Riener was locked out of his own room down the hall. Too considerate to wake his roommates and faced with a night of sleeping in the hall, he found room 34 unlocked and resigned himself to sitting in someone else's common room and reading Sports Illustrated, which he sarcastically described as "a very intellectual pursuit."

It sure beats Math 25b.