I couldn't believe it. I mean, I knew I was a Christian. I just thought that Christians were a type of Jew. I was crushed. Depressed. Inconsolable. I was an unchosen. God was out there waiting to get me. I was also really mad at my dad. What did he let me read this book for, if he was only going to tell me at the end that I was a bad guy? I told him as much.

"I think you should read some of the New Testament," he wisely but somewhat belatedly suggested.

So I started in on Luke. But it wasn't any action. Supposed miracle births (there is nothing that miraculous about a virgin having a baby if you don't know anything about sex), bringing people back from the dead (they did that every day on "Emergency") and a whole bunch of people wandering around and talking. All the characters were boring too. None of the good guys ever did anything bad. I just couldn't relate.

The only semi-interesting guy was Judas. At least he had some personality. And he didn't mean to get Jesus nailed to the cross. Look how badly he felt about it. I couldn't believe that God would be so mean as to send him to hell forever.

Plus, the New Testament had all of these horrendous stories, like the one about some people who had to work all day for half a cent, while others only had to work for half an hour for half a cent, and the people who worked all day were supposed to be happy. Or, worse yet, there is the one about the younger sibling who runs away with half the money but when he returns, his mum and dad throw him a party and make his older brother share what's left. Now, as an older sibling, I know that's just not fair.

If someone did something bad in the New Testament, there was no eye-for-an-eye. I just got to turn my cheek and dump a bunch of dust on their head. Nope, the New Testament just wasn't for me. I promptly informed my dad.

"Julie, don't you understand that Jesus dies for you?"

Great, so now, just because a friend of my dad's got killed and told God he did it for me, I had to stay a Christian and pray to Jesus every night or he wasn't going to use his blood blotter to ink out my sins before God could read about them in the Big Book of Bad Deeds and decide not to let me into heaven.

Of course, after some efficient deprogramming my dad was able to convert me into an acceptable variety of Christian. In fact, as I write, I'm counting down the days until the end of lent, and the advent of desert (which I gave up). My early experience left though. I still wonder...isn't it great to be Jewish?