We're supposed to want sex, as it's presented in television and movies and pin up posters, but at the same time we're told that it can kill us, infect us with disease. An advertisement with two people passionately kissing is next to public service warning about AIDS in a subway station. They're conflicting messages, to say the least.

According to Richard Keeling, M.D., in his book AIDS on the College Campus, college students may be "sexually inactive in word but sexually active by deed." Students may deny sexual desire cognitively in the same moment that they are responding to it physically.

Unfortunately, sexual activity for many is still tinged with guilt due to personal upbringing or ingrained value systems. Those uncomfortable with their bodies or their sexuality may ultimately find that when it comes down to it, they are unable to discuss sex openly. Sex, especially casual sexual encounters, is often still something that occurs literally--and figuratively--in the dark.

Our parents may have the Sexual Revolution, but while free love was the trend in the seventies, it's now fraught with the perils of disease. "We've been educated about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases, but we haven't been educated on how to be comfortable with our bodies.

Rationally, we know that we're supposed to ask our partners about their sexual histories, yet very few of us feel comfortable actually doing that. Despite the fact that we live in a society saturated with images of sex, we still haven't learned how to be at ease placing it into mainstream discourse.

Until we are willing to confront our own sexuality, we will still be in denial. A recent survey of American women revealed that 84 percent of the respondents, when asked about sexually transmitted diseases, agreed with the statement that "It won't happen to me."

Yet women between the ages of 15 and 24 in this country are actually at the highest risk for all sexually transmitted diseases. In 1992, the number of women with AIDS climbed 9.8 percent, while the number of men climbed only 2.5 percent. Various studies have shown that it may be anywhere from seven to 18 times easier for a man to infect a woman than vice versa.

With these statistics, one would think women would be more cautious, using protection such as condoms before each sexual encounter. Many are. Many more are not. Despite all the advances of the women's movement, a woman who takes control of her own sexuality is sometimes regarded with suspicion. It's 1994, and "nice" girls still aren't supposed to have casual sexual encounters.

But then, It's 1994, and women in their teens and early twenties are being infected with the AIDS virus at alarming rates. The most recent statistics show that while the adults ratio of HIV infection in the United States is eight men to one woman, for adolescents it is 1.7 men to one woman. For the latter, it's a little too close for comfort.

I didn't know all of these statistics last summer, as I sat with my fired in the warm midday sun. I watched the expression on the tanned face as she explained that they'd come back late to his apartment, they were both a little tipsy, and he'd forgotten to go to the drugstore earlier to buy condoms..."You know how it is," she said, awkwardly.

"It won't happen again" she assured me, brushing her hair off her shoulders. Her voice was tense, defensive even. I felt I should be delivering a safe sex message. Or running to the drugstore to buy her a supply of Trojans. But would I be telling--or doing--anything that she really didn't already know about?

"It's my responsibility," she told me. It was--and still is. But it's one some of us still have yet to acknowledge.