Q: It's not me!

A: Okay, relax. Next question.

Q: Will I be rich and successful upon graduation?

A: Only if you escape being kidnapped by space aliens.

Q: So it is true?

A: I have no idea what you're talking about. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make a phone call on my intergalactic radio transmitter.

Q: Are you trying to make me cry?

A: Yes, but don't worry: Harvard has many resources for sad people. UHS, Room 13, and Contact, to name just a few. Also, my roommate's diary is always good for a few laughs (Just kiddin,' roomie!)

Q: Who are those people who proctor exams?

A: They're the proctors, lame-o!

Q: What is the secret to success at Harvard?

A: Gettin' in good with that man who stands in the little booth by the main gates of the Yard.

Q: Is it true that the hardest thing about Harvard is getting in?

A: No--that's the second hardest thing. The hardest thing about Harvard is getting out...alive. Bwah ha ha ha!

Q: Will this columm be an ongoing feature like "Action Line" in The Globe?

A: Yes. Since it debuted with this issue of the Fifteen Minutes we had to make up the questions ourselves, so we figured we might as well make up the answers, too. However, if you have lingering doubts about any aspect of Harvard, we would be happy to investigate them for you. Please address inquiries to: Fifteen Minutes Q&A, The Harvard Crimson, 14 Plympton St., Cambridge, MA, 02138.