I saw it all. I saw just how deplorable my attitude had been up to that point, and I was genuinely ashamed of myself. All I seemed to care about was my resume, about my own individual career, and not about public service. All this in spite of how much I always blabbed about how government can work if we elect the right people.

Why was I doing this internship in the first place? Was I trying to get some practical experience in public service, which might someday be my life's work? Or was I only doing this for a potential employer? If the latter, I'm a complete heel; if the former, I'm due for some serious attitude adjustment.

I had forgotten that no matter how tedious my work was to me, it still meant something to someone like Mr. Smith. All those letters I wrote constituted the closest connection many of the senator's constituents would ever have with him. My callousness was precisely what Americans believe is the problem with government today. None of our leaders care about the ordinary American citizen, or so many believe. And even if they do, they're hopelessly out of touch with the problems that directly affect him or her. I had now become part of the problem.

So then where did that leave me? I saw the government bureaucracy at work first-hand, and I also knew from personal experience how easy it is to lose sight of one's ideals working on the Hill, even as an intern. Yet I still wanted to believe that government can work. What possible reasons could I offer myself to maintain my faith in American democracy?

There's a certain safety in cynicism. Moral courage and indignation aren't even worth our time, we say, since morals and ideals are a load of crap--this is a cop-out of the worst kind because not only does it relieve us of any responsibility, but it also provides a false sense of superiority. We, the cynical, are blessed with the infinite wisdom to not buy into the bunk that's force-fed to us by tired high school civics teachers. The rest of you are fools. This is what I felt as an intern this past summer, and I know I'm not alone.

I have no illusions about the "justice" of the American democratic process, and I'm sure not many others do, either. But we can't let ourselves take the easy way out and throw up our hands. Like it or not, government is a indispensable part of our lives. And it's up to us to take charge of the system, instead of letting it take charge of us. If we don't, our cynicism will remain as proof of our own complicity. Rather than blaming the system, we'll have no one to blame but ourselves.