This regulation has a simple elegance to it. Harvard's shortage of humor is acute enough as it is, without breaking up the funny few into a multiplicity of mediocre magazines.

IV. The Uniqueness Clause: There may be no new publication whose mission substantially duplicates that of another.

There is no excuse for putting out two magazines (or sponsoring two organizations) that cover essentially the same material just so there can be twice as many editors-in-chief and circulation directors.

IVB. The "Tabula Rasa" Corollary: Having no mission does not constitute a unique mission.

Last year, a group of intrepid would be editors announced they were accepting submissions of any length on any topic for their new journal. Pretty sneaky, guys, but that loophole is closed.

V. Thespian Restraint Clause: There can be no more plays/musical operas running at Harvard at any given time than there are on Broadway.

Harvard students are a talented lot, but to assume that there is more depth on Mt. Auburn Street than there is on the Great White Way is more than a little arrogant.

No treats can long stand without effective enforcement. To that end, the Harvard community must be prepared to take actions against violators commensurate with the sanctions the international community levies against nations which flout nuclear and chemical weapons proliferation treaties. We must blockade all shipments of ink and paper to renegade publications. We must boycott shows put on in violation of the treaty. Pagemaker will be contraband technology for those who do not sign, and Kinko's will be off limits.

We must be prepared to use force to dislodge those resume-padders who tenaciously cling to their offices and titles despite the edicts of the non-proliferation treaty.

It would be unreasonable to take such drastic actions against extra curricular proliferators without offering them assistance. If Russia needs international aid to disassemble its stockpile of nuclear weapons, members of superfluous Harvard organizations should be given similar support.

I propose that upon ratification of the treaty, the Undergraduate Council set up a publication called "The Harvardian. A Forum for Issues of Concern to People." Anyone can sign up to be an "Executive Editor," or "Associate Director." The Harvardian will come out once per year. Its contents will be a list of all the Executive Editors and Associate Directors.

We would save enough paper that we might not even need the Environmental Action Committee anymore.