Boxers fill two rows. The pride of the boxer collection is a glow-in-the-dark pair which warns "NO" in the light, then illuminates to "YES" in the dark.

Next stop: the Lodge on Brattle St. The Lodge has 501's, 550's and 560's for $42 and $44. But the Levi's are "on sale continuously," says employee L. Paul Robertson, usually running only $29.99 and $34.99.

"We sell really well to Europeans," says Robertson. "We've had foreigners periodically come in to try and buy all of our jeans."

But the real bargain here is the boxer shorts: the Lodge makes its own boxer-wear. All boxers are on sale for a 20 percent discount, with boxers left over from spring and summer marked down still further.

I reached the apex of my quest for Tevas at the Tannery on Brattle St. Inside, I was astounded by a large, plastic Greek-looking rock formation inscribed with the word "TEVA" and encircled by troughs of running water. Lodged in the rock are the numerous styles of Teva's "sport sandal."

The sandals cost $40 to $65, but students get a 20 percent discount.

My day's journey through the leviathan warehouses of Levis, boxer and Teva diversity reveals that, ultimately, the best bargain depends on the buyer. Given the incredible diversity of fashion in the Square, anything you might want is there for the buying.

Now that my mission is complete, maybe I can get on to my next assignment--where can a guy find a cheap bite to eat around here?