Ahhh. A Vested Interests Tax! I envisioned a new IRS instruction booklet. "Question I. Do you have vested interests? If so, you must pay a lot more money."
Unfortunately, however, I couldn't quite figure out what a Vested Interest was. "Can you give me an example?" I asked.
"Well, one woman called yesterday and said that she had money in an individual retirement account (IRA). We figured out what her taxes would be with the flat tax, and it turned out to be more." He laughed quickly. "But not working-class stiffs like us. We'll pay less. And we actually figured out that there were other things she could deduct, so she might pay less, too."
Apparently, he was saying that even the people who would pay more wouldn't have to pay more.
More strikingly, however, the meaning of "vested interests" suddenly became clear. For him, income from vested interests includes interest earnings in savings accounts like IRAs. My telephonic Brownie had meant that people who earn interest, in this case in tax-sheltered accounts, would pay more. But he was so caught up in Governer Brown's rhetoric that "interest" became "vested interest"--which, we all know, is just another word for Evil. Stunned, I thanked him and hung up.
A day later, hoping for a clearer understanding, I called back. But they were ready for me.
"I have a question about the flat tax," I said.
"I'm not at liberty to discuss it with you," a woman's voice replied. (Not "I don't know." Not "I can't.")
I tried again 10 minutes later. "I have a question about the flat tax," I said. A man's voice muttered something about not being "permitted" to talk about that. He did, however, give me a number in California to call. There, he said, someone could help me.
The California number is not toll-free, of course. Getting answers to issue-related questions was less grassroots than donating money. But I called. "Thanks for calling the Brown for President headquarters," a recording said.
An extensive voice menu asked me to push different buttons to reach fundraising, scheduling and other exciting aspects of the campaign. Finally, at option 8-1800, I could reach "the issues department." I pressed 8-1800.
No one was there.