Give up waitressing in the summer to meet tuition payments? Well, if they insist.

BUT WAIT a second, Ed.

Ten million won't buy me a Harvard degree. Even if I were rich enough to buy the United States, I'd still have papers to write, reading to do and finals to take. It's not like going to Harvard is a real job--I wouldn't want to retire from college. The richest people in the world have traditionally indulged themselves in education. Nestling into the lap of luxury will still send me right to the arms of Mother Harvard.

Considering that my new financial status won't change my current course, the sweep-stakes prizes wouldn't really change my life. What could I do with a four-wheel-drive jeep in Cambridge? If I try to park it near the Quad, it would get towed. I wouldn't, however, have any trouble paying my parking tickets.

The AMF/Alcort sailboat wouldn't do me much good either. In Boston, there are only about two weeks of weather each year good enough to enjoy sailing--even if I didn't get seasick just watching Baywatch.

The Sharp audio/visual system--a TV/VCR/stereo complete entertainment center--doesn't look bad. It's a shame the unit is bigger than my dorm room.

And what about that living with "financial security for the rest of my life?" What about intellectual satisfaction, Ed? What about a fulfilling career that lets me use the skills I have developed in my four years of education? What about being a knowledgeable person who values academics above material goods?

I came to Harvard thinking I'd get a comprehensive liberal arts education that would allow me to enter the real world a well-rounded person ready for a career in the field of my choice.

The prize I'd really like is an interesting job--something in journalism or publishing. I could also use somebody to deliver caffeineladen soda to my room at 2 a.m. when I am writing a paper. Having someone to carry my books from Widener to my dorm wouldn't be bad either. If I won a spell-checker that corrected grammar and fixed mixed metaphors, I would be ecstatic.

It might not sound glamorous, but that's what would make my life easier. I think, however, I'll take what I can get. In a couple of months I am confident that I am going to be a rich woman. I'll find something to do with the TEN MILLION DOLLARS. Maybe I'll buy everyone pizza.

Beth L. Pinsker `93, the co-editorial chair, believes in Santa Claus, and she doesn't even celebrate Christmas.