Jewett suggested that our hypothetical big spender--a man named "Linsky"--might settle for a joint name.

"Harvard and Linsky University" could be workable, Jewett says.

Rosovsky, though, was reluctant to conjecture about the mythical Linsky. "It would be more likely 'Harvard-Sultan of Brunei,'" he says.

But these folks--professors, deans--aren't out in the trenches of fundraising. They're not the ones scouring over alumni lists with columns reading name, class year and net assets.

To the fundraisers, the thought of rechristening Mother Harvard approaches blasphemy.

"I don't think it's a funny game at all we play here," says Richard B. Boardman, director of the Harvard College Fund. "It's very serious stuff...and people want to poke fun at it, like Time magazine and the Harvard Lampoon."

Officials in Harvard's development office--the nerve center of University fundraising--also get a bit touchy when asked to share stories.

When told of The Crimson's innocent intentions, Boardman sighed. "It's been a long week."

Apparently so. Geoffrey H. Movius, associate director of major gifts, protects Harvard's fundraising secrets as though a leak could undermine national security.

Harvard is at a key point in "a very, very important campaign," he says.

"There's so much at stake here, and a great many people read The Crimson," Movius says. "Nothing at this stage is innocuous."

Provost Jerry R. Green and President Neil L. Rudenstine were almost as serious on the subject, although they did let out some chuckles.

"We already have a name on the University," Green deadpans.

"I don't think you would sell the name of the University," Rudenstine says. "That is, I would not."

Perhaps Rudenstine draws his strength of resolve from the experience of his alma mater, Princeton University. The president says that Princeton alumnus James B. Duke once offered the school a large sum if it would take his name.