The pressure this puts on senior gift committee members to solicit is matched only by the pressure it puts on their friends to give. It is one thing to say no when the Red Cross calls you on the phone as part of a huge, virtually anonymous solicitation list. It is quite another thing entirely to say no when your roommate, blockmate or best friend asks you for money. Harvard knows this well and the Senior Class Gift operates under this assumption. I have many friends who have said, "I didn't want to give and I wasn't planing to give, but I didn't feel like I could say not to my good buddy Bitsy."

If the first solicitation attempt is not effective, the House committees meet to discuss those individuals who chose not to give and to evaluate the best means for a second or third or fourth attempt.

And several members of these House gift committees have told me that the meetings sometimes get quite nasty, as seniors unwilling to give money are attacked for lacking in house spirit or being lousy friends.

THESE TACTICS make me ill. I recognize that many fundraising campaigns are run the same way. But the fact that these are widely used strategies does not make them more palatable. You can choose your charities, and I'll never give to a charity that tries to coerce me.

All of this is not to say that I will never give money to Harvard. In fact, I feel quite indebted for my education here. There are many campus organizations I plan to contribute to both now and when I actually have real money to give.

But I will give on my own terms and to the organizations of my choice. And when Bitsy calls me again in 25 years to ask me how I'm doing, do I remember so-and-so, guess what they're doing now, and wouldn't I like to give money to fair Harvard through our reunion class gift, I will say no then, too.