* Hilles. How much schmoozing--and how little studying--do Eliot types do at Lamont? With the College's best and most comfortable library right next door, Currierites can get their work done efficiently, freeing up time for extracurricular activities.

* Singles. How many times per week do Kirkanders beg their roommates to spend the night on the common room couch? You may think we Currierites are crazy, all alone in our singles. But we manage to keep ourselves occupied.

* The bell's desk. How few of their housemates do Winthrop residents meet in a year? With only one entry, Currierites are constantly bumping into each other. There's nothing better for house unity. And at 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning, there's nothing better than a friendly face to welcome you back home as you take your "walk of shame" past the BD.

* The shuttle bus. How many minutes does it take Leverett residents to walk from the Towers to the Yard during a blizzard? Far longer than it takes Currierites to get there, thanks to the shuttle's door-to-door daily service.

* The people. How many Adams residents passed out house T-shirts to rising sophomores at the Union on the day housing assignments came out? Enough said.

I TAKE some solace in the fact that no first-years polled by The Crimson reported Currier as their first choice. But it's bad enough that 5 percent even picked Currier as one of four.

I very much respect the judgment of those 80 first-years who recognized the bliss of Currier life. And I very much pray that they will be assigned to one of the other three houses that they listed. In my eyes, that's the only way to save the Class of '94--and, for that matter, Currier House.

Kenneth A. Katz '93 is no longer a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed youngster.