When this problem presented itself at Penn State, the administration moved like the wind to kill the hockey program. At Harvard, we can develop a more complicated and confusing solution.

For example, Dean of the College L. Fred Jewett--still smarting over his housing compromise last year--might support a plan to assign students randomly to cheer for one sport each year. Or the Core committee could require students to cheer for teams in eight of 10 categories.

This plan is so flawless that problems would arise only if it worked. Harvard students tend to throw themselves body and soul into extracurricular activities; what if we took to football with the same passion and intensity we take to our resumes?

At Penn State, such problems are plainly evident. Entire conversations at Penn State revolve around where students' season tickets are and how much their seats have improved since their first year. ("Remember when we sat behind the goalposts way at the top? Section 56, Seat 432?" "Of course, dude.")

And according to people who tell me they know, Joe Paternostyle receding hairline haircuts are the rage in State College, Penn.--among women, too.

Before Restic-cuts sweep through Cambridge, we must remember to keep football in context: go to the games, root for the home team, but remember, deep down, that these were the guys who poured spaghetti into your book bag.