I explained that Iowa is south of Minnesota, north of Missouri, east of Nebraska and west of Illinois. I used my hand as a visual aid. She still looked confused. I'm not sure she could have placed any of those states on the map.

The nice old woman then told me that she had never even learned where the birthplace of her husband--Omaha, Nebraska--could be found on the map. I smiled, chewed on a piece of matzoh and waited for the next evidence of Eastern-centrism to slap me in the face.

It wasn't long before the gentleman next to the geography whiz asked me a question, hoping to show his thoughtfulness and concern about issues in Iowa. "So, what's this whole thing about an abortion battle in Iowa?"

Now I was confused. Had there been an abortion battle in Iowa? Not that I could remember. My friend realized the mistake. He explained, "You're thinking of Idaho, sir." So he was.

That enigmatic cloud of Idaho/Iowa/Ohio/Et Cetera was somewhere between the coasts. It's sad, but that's the way a lot of otherwise educated Easterners conceptualize the Midwest.

ITRY to explain that there is a lot more to Iowa than eight-row combines and the first presidential caucus. A lot more. It may surprise you that the average SAT score in Iowa was the nation's highest last year, or that Iowa's literacy rate leads all states.

The tragedy is that so many Easterners close themselves to the Midwest. When they get a glimpse of happenings in Iowa, it is either watching Field of Dreams on videotape or Dan Rather--looking spiffy in a Golden Acres Seed cap--interviewing a tearful Iowan whose family farm is going on the auction block.

They also see the lady who predicts that the world will end on April 26, not to mention the fundamentalist town where dancing is legally prohibited. Of course, these happenings are in Wyoming and Missouri, but to victims of Eastern-centricism, it's all the same state.

Think about it. In the meantime, I'll be shining up my new combine for the upcoming square dance. And I'll be detassling Iowa corn and tenderizing Iowa beef for a real Iowa bash.

But I won't be skinning potatoes.