It's a lose-lose attitude. If I am not friendly toward a Black person, I accuse myself of racism; if I am overly solicitous, I accuse myself of reverse discrimination, of acting differently simply because that individual is Black.

Regardless of its manifestation, the possibility that I may be racist raises more frightening thoughts. I am Jewish, myself a member of a minority group. How can I expect to be treated fairly if I prejudge others?

THE Economics Department was courting potential concentrators last month in a reception at the Faculty Club. Professor Martin Feldstein hoped to convince students who had fared well in Economics 10 to join his department.

From a very non-scientific categorization of the students at the bash, I found that a large percentage of the hobnobbers were Asian. Frankly, I was not surprised.

Asians have been succeeding academically in every institution I have attended, from elementary school to Harvard College. They were disproportionately represented in all the honors classes in my high school. Ec 10 should be no exception.

Asian students, at Harvard and else-where, have performed remarkably in the classroom. So is it natural--or racist--for me to expect Asians to perform above average, in economics or any other subject?

There is one thing of which I am sure. I want to do the right thing. I do not want my actions or attitudes to be shaped by racist notions, however subconscious they may be.

So I have at least recognized the problem. That is the first step to unlearning racist beliefs, according to Assistant Dean for Race Relations and Minority Affairs Hilda Hernandez-Gravelle, because recognition fosters an awareness of the institutions, like the media, that perpetuate and reinforce racist ideas.

The next steps, she advised in an interview, are to actively educate myself about racism in society and to consciously interact with members of minority groups.

Hernandez-Gravelle dismissed the suggestion that the ultimate goal should be color blindness. "Not to see color denies part of a person," she explained. "We need to see color, but not in a stereotyped way.

"You had that reaction in the Yard," she told me, "because society has taught you to see large Black men in groups as violent people. But you should experience large Black men in groups for yourself. Then you will have a different way of reacting to them."

I am not looking for absolution, as if writing this article will clear my guilty conscience of holding racist ideas, nor am I offering excuses.

What I am hoping is that Hernandez-Gravelle's prescription for combatting my racist tendencies will be successful.