The folks at Pensinsula rail against the "Dominion of the politically correct." Well what about the socially correct and its estranged cousin, the socially incorrect (see dweeb, nerd, Quadling, etc.)? At least political thought is based on some semblance of reason. Who came up with the ever-powerful list of social no-no's?

I mean, what could possibly be wrong with little flecks of white scalp-skin? If Head & Shoulders implied that grey hair would ruin a first impression, the AARP would sic a team of silver topped lawyers on them in a minute.

THIS whole dandruff thing is a perfect example of a ludicrous set of priorities when it comes to personal hygiene. I imagine a group of old men locked up in a smoky room somewhere deciding what is "acceptable" and what is not. Their opinions are instilled in the national consciousness by an overzealous advertising industry itching (no pun intended) to extract a few bucks by fabricating social insecurities.

Next thing you know, they'll start in on us about dry, peeling belly buttons and earlobes: "Try `Lobes-So-Soft' for smooth, supple folds of skin."

Every time I consider rebelling against the oppression of Tegrin and Head & Shoulders, I think back to those commercials where "baseball star Jim Palmer" gets hysterical over "embarassing flakes and itching." I mean, if dandruff can knock this guy out of the running, where do I stand?

But my fury against the dandruff-shampoo conspiracy never subsides. Not only is dandruff shampoo humiliating and outrageously expensive, the stuff actually damages your hair. Modeling agencies won't even let their clients use it.

Yet the fear of the dandruff police compels me to use it. I am not alone, either. All four shampoo bottles in my shower promise "relief from itching and flaking." One roommate, whose girlfriend wouldn't dump him even if he suddenly sprouted a third nostril, still uses the stuff religiously. ("Gosh, if she notices flakes, it's all over.") My roommate Rocco, who sports a bald spot the size of Australia (thanks to my unpolished hair-cutting skills) is certain that flakes will doom his hopes at romance.

It doesn't have to be that way. We can fight back. We can boycott dandruff shampoos. We can hold candlelight vigils and demonstrations in the Yard. We can sponsor a "Dandruff Pride Day" and a "Flaky Scalp Awareness Week."

Because the fact is, it's okay to have a few flakes. To be honest, I misled you when I suggested that my date was so petty as to dump me over a few flecks of dandruff. Nothing could be further from the truth.

She just didn't like my flannel shirt.

Joshua W. Shenk '93 really does like soft, supple earlobes.