They're like institutionalized cliques for guys who never grew out of the days when they used to build tree houses and post "No Gurlz Allowed" signs.

In many ways, the final clubs set the tone for a lot of the attitudes towards women. Coming to the most prestigious learning institution in the nation, you might think that acquaintance and date rape wouldn't be problems here. These are "Harvard Men," after all. But then, so was the inventor of napalm.

Going to a campus party should be a fun and safe way to spend the evening. But if the reports of a rape at the Pi Eta Club are true, this might not be the case.

If you're not a woman, don't feel left out, because at Harvard insensitivity is an equal-opportunity employer. Even though Harvard students claim to mean well, racial and homophobic incidents crop up each year.

But I don't know which is worse: the incidents or the inevitable soul searching and hand-wringing debates that follow, which inevitably abate just in time for the next incident.

It's not as if the incredibly bad way Harvard under grads treat each other isn't enough to make you wary of them. As the year goes by, sporadic reports of suicide attempts, though hushed up by a protective administration, make the rounds of student gossip. The drug abuse taking place you can observe yourself. Of course, I'm not talking about alcoholism or bong-hitters who could smoke Bob Marley under a table. It's the coke and ecstasy here that are really frightening.

Finally, if you've gotten this far and still think I'm just trying to scare you, remember that I haven't gone into the nonexistent advising, or the inaccessible professors, or the weather, or even the overcrowded basketball courts.

Yet, even I admit that I wouldn't have gone anywhere else--and that's what scares me. For all its faults, Harvard is still Harvard...and we all know it. If you can cope with the egos here, you can do anything.

So, once again, welcome to Harvard And good luck.

Rob Greenstein '89-and-a-half is a second-semester senior who believes that Elvis will someday return to redeem us for our sins.