2. Morton Downey Jr. will be Musberger's color commentator. And Geraldo will do on-the-field features.

1. The Olympic Committee will allow professional wrestlers like Andre the Giant and Coco B. Ware to compete for their respective countries.

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The Celtics say it was just a coincidence, but why did they activate Larry Bird right before their playoff series against the Detroit Pistons? Did they need a new towel boy?

Martina Navratilova will not play in the 1989 French Open. She offered no reason for her decision. Here's mine: Martina doesn't have the legs to stay with the younger players (read: Steffi Graf and Gabriela Sabatini) anymore.

The NHL should just forget about the rest of the playoffs and give the Stanley Cup right now to the Calgary Flames.

The New York Mets are starting to win again. The Chicago Cubs' NL East dynasty, which lasted about three whole weeks, is crumbling.

The difference in the AL East this year is Roger Clemens.

I had a strange dream last night. It was about some blonde-haired guy in a green-and-white basketball uniform taking a last-second shot from the three-point line in a palace somewhere near a city that sounds lie Benoit in a state that looks a lot like a mitten.

This is the semester's last Schoolyar Talk Tune in next semester for more sports wit and wisdom.