Over the last two years, many people have asked me about Harvard squash player George Polsky and his quotes. They usually remark, "He is so funny, or "His quotes are great." Yesterday, I decided to test the Great one. How would he respond under pressure? Would he be just as funny? Well, I'll let you decide.

How do you come up with your quotes?

Polsky: "It all starts in the sensory deprivation tank between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. while the rest of Harvard sleeps. I climb into the tank and fall into an extremely high energy trance. While in the trance I draw upon every energy source in the universe."

But why do some of your quotes deal with nature?

Polsky: "You see Mike, nature is a dictionary, as it were, and the closer I unite myself with it, the more eloquent I become. The words flow to me like the Tagus River flows to the Atlantic. The rest is best left unsaid. In a nutshell, quoting at this level is a very dangerous task and should be performed by a professional."

Is is true that you call your brother Jack for some quotes?

Polsky: "Jack and I work on a higher level where we are both one with each other and the cosmos. In a nutshell, where we converse they don't use telephones."

Who is your favorite quote figure?

Polsky: "When you're talking about quotes you've got to mention Lenny Falape, the little known muse of Western Samoa. I remember when I was a kid I would sit on the porch and talk for hours on end with Dr. Falape, studying his every utterance. This, of course, was before he won the Nobel Peace Prize. In a nutshell, he truly transcends language."

Are you considering going professional?

Polsky: "Well, there's clearly good money to be had. Five years ago, I would have considered it, but these days the professional quoting tour is just too darn political. They've already threatened to revoke my Western Samoan dual citizenship."

Has an opposing player threatened you because of your quotes?

Polsky: "I've had a couple of brushes with death but nothing that a professional quotester can't handle. I remember one time I was giving a lecture in the Tarrin basin, a region in Western China, when all of a sudden I sensed the presence of a negative energy flow. Sure enough, it was one those Yalies. And let's just say, my bulldog hide jacket sure takes the bite out of winter."

How do you rate yourself in comparison to teammate Jim Masland?

Polsky: "I liken our quoting abilities to the relative arborous abilities of the lemur and the dromedary. If it ever came down to a contest of branch swinging, the dromedary would soon find itself succumbing to gravity. Jim has a real talent but he must learn how to channel his energy."