6. You don't study.

5. You stay up until 3 a.m. on a Thursday morning to watch Washington State Tech take on Iowa Southern State Community College in the first round of the Western Regionals. Live, right here on CBS.

4. You start singing all the Michelob Lite commercial theme songs during lecture (e.g., the Frank Sinatra one).

3. You promise yourself that no matter when or where the Final Four will be next year, you will definitely, absolutely, positively order tickets for it.

2. You kind of wish that if you had the choice to do it all over again, you would have chosen to play basketball over Little League, so that with a little luck and a lot of talent, you could have become the shooting guard for North Carolina instead of some college hoops freak who eats Doritos and drinks beer every weekend in front of a color television.

1. You start to like Brent Musberger. Right here on CBS.

(If you suffer from symptom number one, you should see a doctor real fast. Something is seriously wrong.)

Some final thoughts:

Is Penthouse truly a bastion of solid, investigative journalism?

If Wade Boggs does hit .400 this year, will anyone care?

Could it possibly be the Cleveland Cavaliers vs. the Utah Jazz in the NBA Finals? CBS can't wait to see the ratings on this one. (Personally, I'd rather watch public television. Or old "Gilligan's Island" reunion movies.)

The Bruins will make the Stanley Cup finals again. They're playing great hockey (8-0-1 during the last nine game) at the right time, right before the real season--the playoffs--begin.

And finally, if you're in that kind of hockey maniac mode this weekend and think that four ECAC games at Boston Garden are not enough, there's always the opportunity to watch the best high school teams in the area battle for the state titles.

No controversy. No courthouse decisions. More stuff like the weekend action at the Garden, and you'll quickly forget about the Oklahoma football team. Or Margo what's-her-name.

Schoolyard Talk by Julio Varela is a new weekly feature of The Crimson sports pages.