Pursuing this line of questioning, I queried Deep Throat about the sodium content of our meals. My source related some arterty-boggling numbers.

"Could they really not know that so much salt isn't healthful?" I asked.

"They just don't understand," said Deep Throat, "that once you put it in, it's impossible to remove. In an ideal world, The Organization would go very, very light on the salt and leave the seasoning to the individual."

THE evidence was nearly incontrovertible--HDS needs to improve a great deal before we, their customers, are satisfied. Before I returned to write my investigative blockbuster a la Woodward and Bernstein, I had to ask my source one final question.

"Just what goes into those chickwiches?" I whispered.

Deep Throat stammered, and spoke in a low, gravelly voice. A change seemed to come over him; his shoulders hunched, and jowls appeared where cheeks had once been.

"I," he responded, "am not a cook."