A look of concern crossed Mike's visage. "Tell me, Rutger. Is it true that American youth are fatter than ever?"

"Oh, Christ," I said. "You know the press, Mike--always doom-and-gloom. The way I look at it, the fast food industry's alive and well. Some people just have to complain."

He seemed unconvinced. "But all that TV..."

"So they watch TV. It's a nice day out, the sun is shining--it's a party, Mike, don't get so serious all of a sudden."

He nodded in agreement, but added, "I guess this leadership thing just gets to me sometimes. The world is perched on the brink of oblivion, commodity prices are down and the Russian sitcom program still hasn't taken off after 20 years of R&D.

Together we looked down at the crowd. Someone released a bunch of brightly colored balloons, which floated amidst the cries of joy and celebration like the dream of youth. I looked Mike in the eye and raised my cup. "Sometimes, my friend," I declared, "You just have to say, 'Fuck it.'"

He smiled. "Fuck it."

That's when Raisa came up and found us.

Dear Reader-- The response to the drug contest has been overwhelming. Pounds and pounds of illicit drugs have poured into The Crimson and the editorial staff has been working diligently to sort and store the entries. Since I don't have $10 yet, the contest will be extended one more week. Send your entries to Rutger Fury!, c/o The Harvard Crimson. To repeat, losing entries will not be returned.

Rutger Fury, the former national political correspondent for the National Enquirer and a close personal friend of Jeffrey J. Wise, will be the track announcer for today's Kentucky Derby.