I propose an official school-wide "Action Man Day". On this day anyone who wants action with the Action Man would be able to call a central operator between specified hours and leave his name and address. These names would then be forwarded to the Action Man via armored truck. The Action Man can then assume that everyone else is either shy or does not want to have any action with him.

Problem: People who say, "You go to Harvard, and you do `X'?" when `X' is something stupid like tripping on your shoe lace.

Solution: They should stop saying that.

Problem: You are typing on a Macintosh the final sentence of a 20-page paper that is due in two hours.

You have been working straight through the night, and are in an adrenaline and caffeine induced daze. Despite your hellish night, Your Mac remains happy. Your Mac is always happy. It always stares at you as if has just won the lottery. You hate this, but you dare not anger it. Only one more sentence...you are so close...so very close...

"Beep. System Bomb. O.K.?" smiles the Mac.

A THRASHING FURY swells within your trembling shell. With your face twitching furiously in all directions, you passionately smash your chair through the fourth floor dorm window and jump head first onto the cold, hard cement.

Overcoming the unfortunate agony of three broken ribs, you are soon ready to begin anew. Here is the worst part: The Mac won't let you continue until you tell it that everything is "O.K."

"It's not `O.K', Macasshole!" you cry angrily as the Mac smiles silently beside you.

It's like a messenger who comes to your door and informs you that your entire family was destroyed in a mining accident, and then stays by your side smilingly, refusing to leave until you tell him that it is "O.K." But striving to maintain at least a shared of dignity, you refuse to tell the Mac that its deed of pure evil was "O.K.

Solution: I.B.M.