"I'm on the other line now with that Bozo Pulier. HA HA! What a moron he is! Hey, let's say bad things about him while he waits, the unwitting dupe!"

YOU MEANWHILE, have the reciever jammed tightly into your temples--creating a permanent indentation in your already unsightly skull--trying desperately to pick-up faint traces of the conversation on the other line. When you are reconnected, your formerly friendly conversation then degenerates.

"So, uh, who was that?"

"Oh, just a friend (tee hee)...anyway,"

"Why are you laughing? What did you say about me, you insufferable swine?"

What we need is a device to enable the person on hold to silently monitor the other caller's conversation.

"No, Mary, I don't mind if you take the other call, but I'm afraid that I am going to have to monitor the line. In this dangerous age, the practice of `Safe Phone' is imperative to mental health. I simply cannot afford the risk of ridicule in this stage of my emotional development."

In the off chance that your call somehow avoids the insidious traps of the "Call Waiting" conspiracy, when you are finally connected to the other line you will probably just ask them if they can call back later. This is the same as a busy signal--but with one difference: the phone company makes money with the connection.