Quarterback Tom Yohe says Harvard needs four touchdowns. Defensive coordinator George Clemens says three.

Just four? Only three?

Army needed more than four touchdowns. Lafayette needed more than four touchdowns.

So did Lehigh and Colgate. So did Bucknell and Brown.

They didn't get 'em and didn't win.

The University of Massachusetts could have scored seven touchdowns and still would have lost.

Holy Cross, Harvard's opponent today, chuckles at four touchdowns. It outright laughs at three.

Holy Cross has beaten its opponents by a count of 391-91. The Crusaders' average margin of victory is 40 points.

Four touchdowns? Four touchdowns won't buy you a sandwich at the Holy Cross deli. Three touchdowns? Three touchdowns? won't get you a Coke.

Holy Cross complies touchdowns the way Imelda Marcos stocks up on shoes. The Cross has a touchdown for every mood and inclination. Need a touchdown with birthday candles? Holy Cross will give it to you. A touchdown for your grandparents' anniversary? Just ask the Crusaders.

Holy Cross carries an 8-0 record, the number-one position in Division I-AA and a reputation for unholy sportsmanship into today's Crimson-Crusader showdown in Worcester. The Cross likes to get opponents down and then make them eat mud. The Cross is not content to merely put you on the ropes. It wants to knock you out of the ring. And then spit on you.

"In a couple of cases, we have been fortunate that we've gotten ahead of teams and been able to put new players into the line-up," says Holy Cross Coach Mark Duffner. "But when we get those people into the game, we don't tell them to just fall down. You know, they want to be impressive out there also."

Army is the only team to come close to beating the Crusaders this year. The Cadets fought valiantly, but fell, 34-24. The rest of the Cross' games have been one-sided scoring festivals.

The Ivy League has sent two teams to the slaughter. Dartmouth took a dive, 62-23, and Brown rolled over, 41-0. In the Brown game, the Cross used a hurry-up offense in the last two minutes simply to ensure a 40-point margin of victory.

Ready, Harvard?