Step three: Put the "right" information on the label. His upperclass friends were right when they told him to get a computer. Forget Macpaint, forget c.s. problem sets, forget word processing. He used his computer to duplicate the type on his real i.d. Sure he had to switch around to find a font that matched, but he always knew he would have to work to do well at Harvard.

(A note to Macintosh owners: borrow an IBM. As our Yardling's accomplice in crime says, "A Mac doesn't print as shittily as their printers.")

A regular typewriter is another option our friend discovered because the i.d. office types the labels on replacement cards.

Our friend was careful to select a realistic and memorable birthdate. He didn't want to forget it under stressful conditions. He also remembered not to change the i.d. number, and the computer bar code on the back had his real name as well.

Step four: Place the label on top of the original. (See figure 3.)

Step five: Relaminate. This was simple for our friend. One of his friends who works for a company with a laminating machine; offered him a hand and a fake i.d. But for those who don't have as good taste in friends, i.d. experts say that a store in Boston will laminate anything when the right employee is on duty. But that may be just a rumor.

A second option is purchasing an adhesive plastic cover--once again available at the Coop--and sticking it to the front of the i.d. on top of the new label.

Now our friend met his Waterloo. He valiantly tried to cut out a rectangle in the plastic used for the second lamination so that the "Harvard 1987-88" validation sticker would not be covered up. But his hand slipped and his' razor blade wasn't sharp enough.

(If he had been successful, all that remained for him to do was place his i.d. in a thick paper cover to keep the embossing from melting and then run the card through the laminator. He then would have gently traced over the embossing on the front with a sharp edge, such as the tip of a nail file to recreate the indentations.)

But all of this was too technical for our English major-to-be. He opted for another method. He went through steps one through three, see above.

Step Four: Peel open i.d. He started from the bottom edge and pulled the pieces far enough apart to reveal the sticker. A razor blade was perfect for scraping the old label off the card and the clear plastic cover.

Step Five: Insert the new label and reseal with old cover. He tried tape. No go. He wished he had not bid his significant other with the job with the laminator goodbye. He was left with crazy glue and ironing. Lucky he remembered to put the i.d. in a protective paper envelope before trying his ironing skills.

Step Six: Celebrate.

Thus ended our freshman's foray into the wonderful world of fake i.d.'s.

But if you're over the age of 18 (and under the age of 21) here are some other; more lurid, tales of adventure.