"You're the problem with this country! Look, it's failsafe. We can't use the NSC anymore, and while Shultz is in, State is out. So..."
"Not the CIA," I interrupted. "You can't use the CIA again."
"Did I say the CIA?" he asked indignantly. "I wouldn't touch them with an M-16. No, this is the beauty part. Health and Human Services!"
"What? You're going to use the Human Services Department? You don't even believe in Human Services."
"That's right! That's why they'll never look there. We hand out crack with welfare payments. Hell, instead of welfare! Pocket the checks. The President doesn't have to know. We'll make millions! It's a gold mine. Are you on board?"
Just then, I got a buzz from my call waiting. It was Nancy Reagan.
"I'll call you back, dude, okay? The Number One Lady's on the line." I switched lines.
"Hi, this is Nancy. I hate to bother you, but I need some advice. I was just thinking: maybe drugs aren't so bad..."